I was tossing around in my quilt, trying to get some sleep in the very very wee hours of morning one day when a few ideas on my blog came to mind. And as is the usual ritual on such occasions, I got a feeling of mental elation akin to an unexpected hard on.
Now before you toss your noses up on my distasteful choice of words let me elaborate. An idea is dealt just the way a bloke treats an unexpected hard on; it could be lethargically put aside waiting for things to just ‘cool-off ‘ which is quite a waste frankly, it could be made to good use and taken as a challenge, a token of courage if you may for a man determined to win his maiden fair or it could be left to simmer (I’ll leave the last bit to your imagination).
This was the scenario that night when I found myself thinking about the number of memorable pictures I had lost over the years. It is sort of bizarre because I was never the picture taking sort. I think its a grand gesture of persistent narcissism besides serving as a social glue that fills the awkward silences between conversations. And yet for some strange reason I am regretting the hundreds of times I had to format that DRIVE C (where it seems everything from pictures, documents, games etc were saved before I learned the good sense to separate the two). In these times computer is not the only place where you store your memories, your phones, memory sticks, external hard drives, CDs (for the less imaginative sort) or simply a good ol’ fashioned photo album are also extensively used.
The thing is that our lives are moving so bloody fast that it is hard to keep track of all those wonderful moments around us. We only manage to be conscious about our personal lives and of those who we are in contact with on a daily basis such as parents, housemates and coworkers. The remaining plethora of people that have added such rich value to our lives always remain at the periphery of our vision, like ghosts, influencing us but never really forming part of our being. Do you know those people? I am sure you do. They are people like:
A long lost loved one, a random stranger who made you crack up unexpectedly at a random venue at some random event, that kind person who helped someone in distress while you were standing observing the whole scene, a horrible accident that you might have witnessed God forbid, a nice picture that a friend sent you a long time ago, that attractive bloke/bird who gave you a warm smile on your morning commute, a friend who use to be very close with you in college, a best friend with whom you spent most of your childhood, that bird that got away without closure.
There are so many many instances around us that we promise to remember for the rest of our lives for the powerful effect they have on our personality at that moment, but fail to keep track of. It’s a bit like shredded cheese, its messy and gets under your skin but you never seem to get all of it in one go. Whats worse is if you decide to collect the whole lot in your fist it will start clumping back in to a giant block lacking the grace necessary for a fine meal.
I suppose memories are like that as well. If we try to keep a blow by blow account of everything that happens around us with the accuracy of a historian our cherished memories will turn in to a series of events losing their rich flavor. The very fact that they are wisps of shredded cheese, that we can lose them any second, makes them so tantalizing for our neurons.
So, coming back to my original realization of how I am constantly losing track of the wonderful experiences around me I guess it is better this way. For I know that many of these memories reemerge at some point when the setting is just right; a reunion of old mates at that ‘usual spot’ after many years or running in to that significant other at the most unexpected locations with the possibility of finally getting that closure.