Diagnosing the ‘Mella’ in Me

Growing up there was a lot of buzz around a concept called ‘Mellas’, specially in junior high and even high school where the social class system was rigidly defined among the kids (including myself!). In school we would stay away from ‘Mella-speak’ or ‘Mella-ttiquetes’ or risk catching the cooties. It was quite an interesting phenomenon which now that I am 25, think was ridiculous and cruel as with many other social norms of the teenage. As we moved on to higher grades and became more socially aware, hormones raging, overtly conscious of how people were looking at us specially that of the wonderful opposite sex , the fear of being labeled a ‘Mella’ or ‘Gay’ took epic proportions, where guys would label one another, come up with the latest trends in hairstyle etc etc… it got to point where the most stereotypical of the so called ‘Mellas’ stood up, sick of being labeled they lashed out so that now our entire batch was divided in to ‘Mellas’ and ‘Burgers’ hahhaha crazy

The whole facade seems so naive now reflecting on the challenges and complication of a responsible adult when in school our biggest concern was not catching the cooties….. infact  I find that all guys inevitably end up doing all those ‘Mella’ things at some point in their life, hell most of them do it all the time .. that is just how us guys are. Having a little bit of ‘Mella’ in you makes you a complete guy!! (For those of you who do not know what ‘Mella’ is; Mella in Urdu slang means an uncouth, stereotypically male, horny asshole who has a fantastic vocabulary of curses. Though it is a word that remains in the domain of MEN, some Women also qualify for the title)

Seriously, it doesn’t matter what the guy does, how much money he makes, what social strata he belongs to, what has been his upbringing, there is alota ‘Mella’ in him which likes to come out from time to time. And nothing turns in to bigger fucking ‘Mella-fest’ then when a bunch of guys meet up over the weekend. Its a sight to behold I can tell you. When me and my buddies catch up over the weekend it is always a crazy crazy night. Of course I can’t tell you some of the nasty shit that we talk about and enjoy and NO, if any of the readers here are committed ladies,NO!! you do not have ANY IDEA what your guy talks about when he catches up with his mates. Cause see it is like this, when we were young having a girl was the height of being cool so we had no choice but to be as nice and decent as possible, i mean we were nice and decent even when we didn’t wanted to, you remember the time you said “Oh my man speaks my language”, Hell no, the only time a guy speaks his language is when he is among other guys.

So now, it seems like being in a relationship seems to be getting a bigger hassle by the day, whats with all the emotional baggage, constant pacifying, ‘sorting things out’ and the always hanging guillotine of marriage which being a Pakistani everyone at our age hangs around our necks. In a relationship we spent 90% of the time trying to please you ladies and 10% talking romance, I have yet to date a girl who I could just be myself with completely! And I know it aint gona happen, women and men are just too different. And with that whole ‘Cool/Mella’ phase long   gone us guys have developed a very interesting way to get over this whole relationship dilemma,

Option 1: Get Married Asap

Option 2: Be in a fling

Option 3: Stay single

Dating a girl and knowing her and taking it slow.. I don’t think that works any more when you are in your 20s.

Now ladies, please do not get me wrong I have no problems with the nagging, I understand that is in your nature to do so, playing hard to get , always complaining, the whole routine and to be honest us guys do it too albeit at a very toned down level. What does gets to me are the interruptions when a man is having a boyz night. You do not seem to realize how sacred a boys night is for us. It comes once or twice a week and is our sole chance to revive, be as ‘Mella’ as we can be, smoke or smokeup (whatever suits) and feel completely at ease scratching our ba**s in open. What? oh you are probably going ewwwwww! right now but thats exactly how us guys feel when you talk about getting the ‘upper-lip’ done or yes the PMS when we are ‘supposed’ to be kind, caring and understanding anything otherwise will get a big OH YOU ARE SUCH AN INCONSIDERATE BASTARD! 😛 don’t get me wrong again this is not who is the superior sex blog post,  hahaha im just highlighting the facts of life as Chris Rock says most admirably here:

Films that Make Me take a Sigh of Intense Satisfaction and Relief!

So I have been planning on making this list for quite sometime now. I look at it more as a project. It will be an archive of all the films that have made an immediate impact on me on the first screening.

Hmmm lets see now, I wanted to make this list on Ms Word or keep a notebook and give it a more traditional look but blogging about it will make it easier for me to share it with everyone, add side notes, pictures, provide anecdotes etc and etc. Besides it is simply convenient to maintain a list online then keep a hard copy which is bound to get lost. And here is the best part people, I will keep adding films to this list. I watch a lot of films so this list is potentially never gona end.

Ok… what else yes before I continue let me tell you why I am doing this project.

Films are a medium of expression. A way to tell a story that has happened or COULD have happened. They are a way people can bring their ideas to life. Literally. That is what I love about them, they are born purely out of thoughts, an artists rendition of a piece of their mind. The sad part is that there is a lot of fuzz out there which the mega million dollar film industry of the world churns out every year but every once in a while I discover a film that just makes my day. That is the sorta film that keeps me hooked for the entire run time, hits the right spots in the brain, puts me in a state of bliss and after it is over I take a huge sigh of relief. But as is with everything that I do I tend to forget about it, this list will hopefully end this problem once and for all. Enjoy:


The tag line goes “Story of a murderer”, but the story has a lot more to it. Reducing it down to simply a murder wouldn’t be fair. Our protagonist has an obsession, a fetish yes but not like the vulgar shit you see on Brazzers. This movie is about the human condition stylized and beautifully captured. A must watch!


For the fans of philosophy and for all those who like to think, fantasize and dream. This is it. And if you are a fan of The Matrix, possibly the best action film after Terminator 2, you shouldn’t miss this one on principle. Now I hate watching films like these on low resolution  hate missing the color and the photography, but the story was so intense that I couldn’t stop after the first few minutes of watching it on a low Youtube resolution. Oh yes you can watch Animatrix on Youtube here is the link.


Hmmm, this is one of those movies which compelled me to start making this list. I have talked about this movie before. One of my all time favorites.

The Beach

😉 follow the yellow brick road.

The Bourne Identity

A Crackshot CIA Assassin has lost his memory doesn’t know who he is wakes up and finds an offshore bank account number stitched inside his hip. Police, Interpol, Car chase, Sniper rifle, some really kick ass espionage stuff and fancy karate moves, the girl Franka Potante gives the movie a very European flavor which is always a plus point for me. Some melodrama does not hurt either. I like this movie.

Midnight in Paris

Now this is a recent development. The movie won an Oscar this year. Woody Allen is our director here with Owen Wilson and Marion Cotillard WOWW!! I wouldn’t call it a dreamcast not because these two aren’t great but because the best inspiration and the best hollywood work comes out of the strangest combination of people. Leave it to Woody Allen to pick em. Huge huge fan of Owen Wilson i am personally and I was mildly impressed by Marion Cotillard in NINE but over here she has her own league. The movie is set in a very scenic Paris. The feel of the movie is again very European and the story deals with drama and fantasy and there is a good lesson to be learned too.


The sexual awakening of some college students. It is a bit oversexed I mean what lucky bastard has this sort of a college experience. A rockstar? perhaps I am not sure. But I like the fact that the scenes have a visceral feel to them. I don’t know maybe I aspire to have a college life like this one, who knows. The movie is not for everyone but then again most of my recommendations aren’t.

The Virgin Suicides

Oh man. Kirsten Dunst and Josh Hartnett look sweet together. This movie will make you romanticize about your high school and college days. The things you could have done, the pick up lines you might have used, or perhaps the crazy things you did, the make out on some random roof top one night, I don’t know. This is way ahead of American Pie mind you. It is closer to reality which is why we can relate to it so much specially being a Pakistani, living in a conservative society.

Before Sunset

Going beyond the usually fascination for the actors Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy this film is so down to earth and real that it is beautiful. There are no fairy tale castles here, cruel antagonist keeping the maiden fair away from the knight in shinning armor. There are just two characters in the movie and all the do is talk but the conversation is so natural with real emotions that it makes for a wonderful watch.

Ok , there is a prequel to Before Sunset too, .. Before Sunrise, it is part one of this movie, both are incredibly beautiful i have reviewed this one only because i can relate to this one more…

Blade Runner

I am a big fan of the fantasy genre, movies that have a far reaching almost fantastic subject matter. Blade Runner is one of those movies that i wouldn’t mind watching on mute with the latest episode of a state of trance playing in the background ;-).. did i mention Riddle Scott directed it?

Sucker Punch

Besides having a cast of incredibly hot chicks 😀 , this movie has amazing cinematography that you should only watch in high definition (I really mean it, cause it will be a crime against humanity if you watched in a shitty print). There is everything in it, kickass action scene, hot chicks, amazing landscapes, zombies, robots, goblins, eye candy for all…. ok mostly guys 😛 hahah hey i didnt produce it!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Love the concept, love the direction, love the cast, Jim Carry and Kate Winslet a sort of a romantic, fantasy, drama. When a relationship goes wrong the guy tries to undergo a procedure to literally erase the girl out of his mind… during the procedure he realizes that he doesn’t wana lose her anymore and a ruckus ensues. Man what a movie! The writer for this movie it turns out is quite eccentric , if you have seen Being John Malkovich you will know what i mean.

The Doors

Ahhh… Morrison. Riders in the Storm, Cmmon baby light my Fire, The Ghost Song, I do not have to add much except to say that Oliver Stone is the director and Val Kilmer is just out of control in this movie. The movie is a wild roller coaster ride through the 60’s there are flowers here sure, but there is more, there is spirituality, there is acid, there is passionate sex but above all there is some really good rock music. Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll . Yea baby 😉

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

A small gipsy performance enters a town. They have portable room, once inside you will have journey of your life and will be transformed. Watch it see what happens in the room!

Strange Days

Ok this movie is my most recent mental sighing journey :-D… ok look here is the deal, imagine a device which lets you ‘experience’ someones memory. Forget the Pensieve in the Harry Potter, that only allows you to view what is going on in a memory.. I am talking about actually feeling, what the person is feeling, looking what the person is looking .. and doing! what the other person is doing. And to top it all its is a semi-post apocalyptic America.